Yesterday I unveiled my plans for reorganizing the federal government. Today, more detail about OBAMA (currently known as the Executive Branch). Specifically, here are a few people I will appoint as high-ranking lickspittles:
Secretary of Defense: Oprah Winfrey
For the last eight years our military has been too focused on winning wars. America, we are better than this. Secretary Winfrey will teach our troops to be good listeners, to show empathy, to embrace their own emotions, and to be patient with their personal shortcomings. And maybe how to lose weight.
For the last eight years our military has been too focused on winning wars. America, we are better than this. Secretary Winfrey will teach our troops to be good listeners, to show empathy, to embrace their own emotions, and to be patient with their personal shortcomings. And maybe how to lose weight.
Director of Faith Based Initiatives: Bill Maher
I've been a faithful Christian churchgoer ever since I first thought of running for president. As President, I will continue to staff the office of Faith Based Initiatives so that normal people like myself can work hand in hand with Jesus Freaks and creepy religionists across the country. No one is more qualified to lead this effort than Bill Maher.
Secretary of Education: Bill Ayers
Look, I barely know this guy. But I owe him a favor. It's a Chicago thing - don't worry about it.
Until next time, I remain your unimaginably cool and smooth Changinator-in-Chief,
Barry
1 comment:
Friends, this is madness. Mr. Obama's choice for Secretary of Defense is way off. As Corpse-in-Chief, I'd appoint Douglas McCarthur as Secretary of Defense. He's still alive, isn't he? He's a proven leader on the field. Did you know he wanted to nuke China? Friends, it's that kind of military might and no nonsense, hair trigger personality we need at the head of trillions of dollars of killing machinery. As for the other guys, I don't know who they are, so I don't like them.
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