Yesterday I announced that Albus Dumbledore would be appointed to oversee our national healthcare program. My staff has informed me that this is not possible; Albus in fact passed away several years ago.
This came as a great shock to me. You see, according to campaign records, Albus Dumbledore of Chicago, Illinois has voted for me 8,941 times since 1997 and has been a most generous donor.
I wish to extend condolences to the Dumbledore family. No doubt many hundreds of thousands of prayers will be offered to me in your behalf tonight.
Until tomorrow, I remain your Heavy-Hearted HRH of Hope,
Barry
2 comments:
Barry-
why are you mourning the death of that evil white-pig sorcerer? I have it on good information (meaning my own foundationless, paranoid, delusional hunch) that this Dumbledore fellow used his black magic to create the HIV virus as a contractor for the United States of America. And why aren't returning my texts??? For 20 years we were tight, now you don't have time for me anymore. Beware, of uppityness, my brother. Your chickens could come home to roost.
Yours in Christian love,
The Rev.
Friends, is it just me or has Mr. Obama just admitted to being a party to voter fraud??? Does anyone even care? I mean, this is preposterous. And what kind of experience would a wizard bring to healthcare anyway? You're telling me he'd be better than Alan Alda, who played Hawkeye Pierce on MASH for so many years??? He's a veteran, which in my estimation is the only breed of human capable of shaking things up in Washington. Best of all, he, like me, was born in 1936. He's been around the block.
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