Name That Country

My fellow Americans,

What comes to mind when you hear the words "United States of America"? Greed? Oppression? Liberal guilt?


Well, I'll tell you what comes to my mind. New names for our country.

That's right. For the last eight years we've had the same tired, old name. AMERICA (for now), WE ARE BETTER THAN THIS!

Everyone knows that the best cults of personality start with ridiculous symbolic acts at the highest levels. Mine will continue the tradition by renaming our country. To what? Here are some ideas:

• New France, New Denmark, New Sweden: These names do capture the substance of my rulership, but I was hoping for something a little more original.
• Obamatopia, Barackland, People's Socialist Democratic Perfect Republic of Me: Look. I like these names, but it's not just about me. It's about Michelle, too, but to a much lesser extent.
• Fantasy Island: Now we're getting somewhere.

I'd love to hear your ideas. Not really, because they can't possibly be better than mine.

Your Bubbling Cauldron of Change Potion,

Barry