Healthcare. We've got do to something about it. By "something" I mean create a sprawling, expensive government agency to administer a new entitlement. Just imagine, my proletarian subjects, with my government in charge, you can expect from your healthcare the same remarkable speed, efficiency, and customer service that you get from the post office.
Now, the person to lead this brave new bureaucracy must:
- Lead and manage a sprawling new beast of an organization while avoiding political infighting, empire building, and apathy among employees.
- Act with unimpeachable character.
- Show unparalleled instinct and judgment.
- Be mindful of the needs of the public, while making unpopular decisions if the need arises.
There exists only one man capable of tackling this task: Me. Unfortunately, I'll be busy bromancing Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong-Il, and Hugo Chavez. So, I'll settle for second best: Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.
We're all familiar with Dumbledore's resume - Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, Headmaster of Hogwarts, Order of Merlin First Class, the man most responsible for the defeat of He Who Must Not Be Named.
Dumbledore has the wisdom, character, and experience for the job. And he has sense enough not to take the spotlight off of me for too long.
The road that lies ahead is uncertain. But remember, America, I'm not just asking you to believe in my ability to bring about real change in Washington. I'm asking you to believe that I am a demigod, earthbound by choice, who will bring the best and brightest from the Wizarding World into cabinet level positions.
Until tomorrow, I remain your Wellspring of Hope, Bubbling into the Verdant Valley of Change,
Barry
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