Dear Barry

Dear Barry,

I have this friend. He's the president of a Middle Eastern country. As such he's into things like the destruction of Israel and the United States, acquiring nukes, and sponsoring terrorism. He was just wondering what he can expect from your administration.

Sincerely,

Mahmoud A.


Dear Mahmoud,

For eight years, rogue states and terrorists have been afraid of America. And that's about to change. Because what the Bush administration doesn't understand is this: when someone wants to wipe your country off the map, you don't respond with threats or force. You make yourself completely vulnerable to them.

Tell your friend not to fear us. We want to sit with him, listen to him, cry with him, platonically embrace him. Maybe he can come up to Camp David with Oprah and me and we can eat crostini and read one of my autobiographies together.

However, your friend must also understand that America is nobody's urinal cake. To those who fail to show good faith, phone calls will go unreturned, email unanswered, and facebook friendships withdrawn. No more long talks,no more Dude Hugs, no more BFFs.

Your Postmasculine Peacemaking Patrician,

Barry

P.S. Forgot to mention - the continuing existence of Israel is negotiable.